How to Save Yourself From the Tantalizing Lie of “Later.”

Posted By on Oct 28, 2014 | 8 comments


The days have silent edges now that I’ve returned from my vacation in Hawaii. When I glance up from my computer, light spills between the blinds, casting the shadow of bars along my carpet in LA. I’d forgotten the inordinate amount of time I spend in my apartment here. A restless yearning fills me, and a craving for a cinnamon latte from a coffee shop 2,500 miles away.

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My last few weeks in Hawaii, I’d wake at 7am to the buzzing of a text asking me if I wanted to walk. I was the puppy wagging her tail to the intonation of syllables, throwing off the covers and brushing my teeth in puffy eyed slumber.

 

Twenty minutes later, a friend and I wandered through the forest under a canopy of trees, sharing conversations like games of marbles, clicking together the future and the past.

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We’d end up at a mom and pop coffee shop relaxing in wicker chairs. Porcelain red mugs held foam in their wide mouths, an elegant pine tree design captured in the silky mix of espresso and froth.

We’d laugh till our cheeks hurt and traverse five conversations like racecar drivers of words.

 

Every moment of my time back at home was spent with family or friends. I slept less than I had in months and was constantly on the go, yet I was incredibly happy and peaceful. I hadn’t realized that a part of me had become a thirsty waterwheel and interaction and connection fueled the spokes.

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Today, back in my apartment in LA, I’m missing morning conversations with friends, and the hum of my body under the sun, in perpetual motion.

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I close the computer and wander aimlessly through my apartment. It’s past noon and I haven’t yet brushed my hair or changed out of my pajamas. My thoughts begin to spin towards comparison, to every magical thing I could be doing if I were back on the island.

 

Then reality sinks in. The reason vacation felt magical was because time was a finite resource.

 

For the many years I lived in Hawaii, I didn’t wake up every morning and take lavish walks through the forest, have coffee dates, or frolic around daily with friends. I’d often turn down 10pm invites to a friend’s house because, “it was late,” and I was settled in, watching a movie.

 

The difference in how I treated life was based on the resource of time. On vacation, time was limited so I arranged my life to be full. When I lived there, I became comfortable and lazy and told myself that I could do things later.

But “later” offers us a tantalizing lie. It makes us believe that things will always be the way they are, like a picture, frozen in time.

I think about a cinnamon latte and a late evening walk under the streetlights. What if those moments were the last time I saw my friend or my mother?

 

Years ago a friend drove me to my car after a seminar we both attended. Our conversation somehow veered towards pancakes and they knew of a great place that stayed open all night, suggesting we go. It was late so I declined, saying we could plan for sometime next week. They died a few days later.

 

I think about that moment sometimes, not in a scary or panicked way, but as a soft, loving reminder that time doesn’t always do what we think it will do. Pictures change. Life, like a river, continues moving.

 

My vacation reminded me that time is finite, which is what makes it magical, and valued as a precious resource. “Later” tantalizes us with its lies, but only if we let it.

 

Instead we can listen to the soft and loving reminders:

Nurture connections, say yes to opportunities, tell people how they rock your world, take the first step towards that goal or dream, and put yourself out there.

Allow yourself to make memories with the people you love, even if that rare night of shenanigans and laughter with friends is the reason you need that extra cup of coffee or fresh juice the next morning.

 

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With Love,

Z :)

8 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Some people say you can never go back and I’m one who believes that the good memories that are kept in our minds sometimes should stay as memories. Going back sometimes sets yourself us for disappointments .Our minds have a tendency to hold on to memories good or bad which can direct our futures in the same direction. This is why the medical mental health field is booming today. Most people have to much stimuli which has a tendency to clutter our minds not letting us progress toward of human development. Let it go_let it flow..keep them coming z ….

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    • Z Zoccolante

      It’s interesting how every person is unique in their process, even in viewing their own memories. With the ocean of stimuli today, it is important to know how to still our minds and to keep our focus on things worth our time and energy. And of course, like the river, let it flow. Thank you.

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  2. Avatar

    This may just be the most beautiful thing you have written. Perhaps it is because it strikes such a personal cord with me. I have had those unexpected, last moments with friends and family members. It was painful. Yet, through the bitterness, they always left a beautiful gift; and that is to remember not to take one moment, one hug, or one kiss for granted. Thanks for the reminder, it is good to be shaken out of our daily routine sometimes.

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    • Z Zoccolante

      Aw. Thank you so, so much. I like that you talk about it as the beautiful gifts people leave us. I’m glad this struck a personal chord with you as a soft, loving reminder of the treasure of each moment. :)

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  3. Avatar

    Mmmm! love the picture of you and that delicious looking drink. Great article. I think we are all guilty of putting things off and saying later. I think friends and family are such a vital part of our lives. I flash back on all the people that have come into my life and realize they were all their for a reason. I remember in one of your blogs you wrote about acknowledging people that walk by you. Maybe just a smile or calling someone by their first name that is waiting on you. You might not even realize how much you meant to that person in that moment. I remember something my mom always told us growing up. Always say something kind when you are leaving someone, because you never know when you will see them again. Looking forward to reading your next blog.

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    • Z Zoccolante

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts and how they link to and remind you of important aspects in your life. One of my firm beliefs is that kindness matters. I have seen it in action and it can be truly magical. I always remember a story I heard in chapel in sixth grade. A boy gave his validictorian speech and thanked his best friend telling the following story for the first time. One day he was cleaning out his locker to commit suicide that day and a guy passed in the hallway. This guy helped him carry his books while walking home with him, and invited him to hang out that weekend. That guy later became his best friend and the reason he chose not to kill himself. That story made a big difference in my life. . . I also love what your mom instilled in you, to leave someone with kindness, because it’s true, we never really know. Thank you. ;)

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  4. Avatar

    I love your writing! This is by far one of my favorites. So insightful and artful. Awesome!

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    • Z Zoccolante

      Aw. Thank you so much. I love that you find it insightful and artful. That makes me really happy. ;)

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